“Of course, we fight!” John said, “All couples do; that’s normal!” He looked at me incredulously, as Mary quickly added with a tight smile, “But then we have ‘make-up sex.’ And that makes things better.”
Nevertheless, they sought therapy over their concern about the long-term impact of this “normal” pattern.
Perhaps you share John and Mary’s experience or views. Many do. The sex lives and relationships of couples often descend over time into diminishing excitement and passion, and increasing boredom and routine. Call it “marital sex,” in contrast to what couples often experience..
As someone who is supposed to be a leader in sex education, I’ve spent the past year wrestling with two questions and one very troubling fact:
THE FACT: We will never, ever be allowed to do realistic sex education in our schools. It’s not just the Evangelical uber-conservative parents who won’t allow it; it’s the moms and dads who should know better.
If you think I’m exaggerating, earlier this month, a militia of parents in northern Califorina forced the school board to refuse a book for sex education that included sexual pleasure.
In a nutshell: the average nine- to eleven-year-old boy is watching the most explicit hardcore porn in the history of mankind, and we can’t talk about sexual pleasure in middle school or high school. Which brings me to the two questions…
Not everyone masturbates, but if you do, no matter what your age or relationship situation, it’s perfectly fine and normal.
Masturbation is our original sexuality. It’s one of the first ways children learn to experience pleasure. Left to themselves, children are enthusiastic masturbators. Why not? It’s such fun. Kids stop masturbating (or more often retreat into secrecy) largely because adults admonish them that it’s shameful or a sin. What I told my kids: It’s enjoyable and perfectly normal, like going to the bathroom. But like bathroom activities, it’s best done in private.
In contemporary US culture, monogamy means two people agreeing to have sex only with each other and no one else. Classical monogamy – a single relationship between people who marry as virgins, remain sexually exclusive their entire lives, and become celibate upon the death of the partner – has been replaced by serial monogamy – a cycle in which people are sexually exclusive with each other for a period of time, break up, and then re-partner in another sexually exclusive relationship with a different person.
Non-monogamies, in contrast, are more diverse and vary by degrees of honesty, sexual openness..
In his 2009 book Forensic and Medico-legal Aspects of Sexual Crimes and Unusual Sexual Practices, Dr. Anil Aggrawal defines plushophilia as a “sexual attraction to stuffed toys or people in animal costume, such as theme park characters.” However, other online sources simply define plushophilia as a sexual paraphilia involving stuffed animals. Sexual and pornographic activities involving animal anthropomorphism (including plushophilia), is known among the plushophile community as “yiffing.”
Plushophiles are often referred to as plushies, although as I noted in a previous article on the Furry Fandom, the term can also refer to stuffed animal enthusiasts who…
Orgasm is the sexual carrot. It’s the big bang in our tiny universe. Feeling desire is exquisite but pining without satisfaction for the long run is frustrating. Without it, a woman will stop becoming easily aroused. Her desire will extinguish. No big bang means sex is no big deal.
I’m not talking about the occasional night when she says, “Listen baby–I’m not in the mood myself, but I’d love to make you happy.” Overall, it’s a woman’s prerogative to decide if this time she wants a climax. It’s true that sometimes….
The bad news is that breast cancer can wreak havoc with women’s sexuality, and therefore, men’s. But the good news is that by two years after treatment, couples in supportive relationships usually adjust and enjoy sex as much as ever—sometimes more.
Of course, any cancer can impair sexuality. Diagnosis is traumatic and treatment side effects often include desire-killing fatigue, depression, hair loss, and nausea. But sex after breast cancer is particularly problematic because women’s breasts are so intimately connected with sexual attractiveness and erotic play.
There is a new buzz term in sex education land, and it’s called “Sexual Agency.” When people talk about any kind of personal “agency,” they are referring to an individual’s ability to act in a way that accomplishes his or her goals. To have agency in any corner of your life is to have the capacity to behave or act in a way that will bring you the outcome or results that you desire.
When we talk about “Sexual Agency,” we may be talking about a complex group of rights, knowledge, skills, personal authority and/or abilities.
Both men and women experience orgasm. Measurable signs include rapid, cyclical contractions of muscles around the sex organs and anus, accompanied by characteristic changes in heart rate, blood pressure and often breathing. In both sexes, orgasm is involuntary — controlled by the autonomic nervous system. Scans of brain activity during orgasm show that energy turnover is maintained or increased in areas connected with the autonomic nervous system. By contrast, turnover temporarily declines in the cortex. Could this account for “mindless” pleasure?
Do you and your spouse have a sexual desire gap? If so, you’re not alone. Did you know that 1 in 3 couples struggles with this sexual dilemma? But just because you aren’t alone, it doesn’t mean you should be complacent about a ho-hum sexual relationship. You shouldn’t. It can lead to a miserably angry spouse, infidelity, and divorce. If you don’t believe me, watch this TEDx talk on The Sex-Starved Marriage
And although solutions to this sexual divide abound in magazines, self-help books and other pop psychology outlets, there is a little talked about fact underlying the problems associated…