“The main problem in marriage is that for a man sex is a hunger like eating. If the man is hungry and can’t get to a fancy French restaurant, he goes to a hot dog stand. For a woman, what is important is love and romance.”
The scientific dispute of whether sexual desire is closer to hunger than to emotions has considerable implications concerning our appropriate sexual and romantic behavior. In this post I examine Catherine Hakim’s claim that there is no moral difference between sex and eating at a restaurant: in both cases, variation and change…
Homosexuality is in the news a lot these days, what with homosexuals getting married and homosexuals serving in the armed forces and homosexuals forming their own soft-ball leagues. Societal attitudes towards homosexuality are changing. It is no longer acceptable for young men who have been drinking after a hard day at work to find a gay man to beat up. I would say that this sort of bullying is viewed now universally with disapproval. Because of these changing attitudes, those who hate or despise, or disapprove of, or who are disgusted by, homosexuality, are somewhat at a loss.
It’s hard for me to imagine how the therapist felt when my friend J, who lives as a married man with several young children in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish enclave in the U.K., showed up for her first appointment dressed, as we trans people say, as herself.
In J’s case, dressing as herself meant wearing the garb of an Orthodox Jewish woman over a male torso and under a bearded face. J is literally dying to lose the beard and change her body to fit her female gender identity. If she can’t transition soon, she’ll kill herself…
“People who can’t control themselves control the people around them. When you rely on someone for a positive reflected sense of self, you invariably try to control him or her.”
None of us are perfect. Everyone flies off the handle sometimes, or gets lost in their own thoughts and feelings. But many people have difficulty “keeping themselves together.” And however understandable or explainable these reactions are, there’s an unavoidable consequence for other people in their lives.
A recent article in Wall Street Journal (WSJ) by Elizabeth Bernstein, How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex? What Happens When He Says ‘More’ and She Says ‘No’, created some controversy. The article focused on Chris and Afton Mower, a heterosexual couple who share the details of their previously sexless marriage. At one point in their relationship, the couple went one year without having sex. The husband, Chris, desired more sex, whereas his wife, Afton, had no interest in sex.
Over time, after communicating and reading a self-help book together, Chris and Afton revived their sexual….
Jason Collins’ decision to come out electrified the country—and not only for political reasons. Everyone wrestles with the struggle between fear and authenticity. Coming out is an act of heroism we’re all called to—and you don’t have to be gay to join the party. This post will offer a simple exercise for naming your “personal closets,” and gently liberating yourself from their hold.
It’s an inspiring irony: The parts of ourselves we’re most timid about embracing are the very parts that can lead us to our greatest potential in life and in love. Yet courage alone is never…
It is often said that “making love” is just a euphemism for “having sex.” To be sure, these terms are frequently used interchangeably. Unfortunately, this common use (or misuse) can mask the important distinction between these two activities. Indeed, many people who have “good sex” mistake it for love only to find out that their apparent lover was not the person with whom they cared to spend their life.
This is not to proclaim the moral, or prudential, superiority of making love. Indeed some would prefer to just have sex. “Sex alleviates tension,” said Woody Allen. “Love causes it.”
If you ask someone to describe what being in love feels like, they will describe something that sounds like sexual passion and desire tinged with obsession. As far as our genes are concerned, sexual desire is where it’s at, and it’s a strong drive, so after a brush with passion we might find ourselves saying, “I thought I was in love, but it wasn’t love – just lust.”
And then there is the niggling difference between acting in a loving way versus being ‘in love’. The former is about being active. It encompasses what we mean when we…
There is one piece of advice, steeped in scientific evidence, which has the potential to improve countless sex lives. This advice is most relevant for women in long-term committed relationships. The advice:
If you wait until you feel horny to have sex, you may never have sex again! So, don’t wait to feel horny to engage in a sexual encounter. Instead, put it on your schedule and allow the sexual encounter itself to get you horny.
“The only thing that I know about make-up sex is that it works pretty well.” A married woman
“I am an expert in make-up sex and have done it so many times.” A married woman
Make-up sex is wild and extremely gratifying sex that people report having experienced after having had an intense fight. Why, in the wake of having had a bitter fight, is everything forgotten while the couple engage in what many say is amazingly wild and enjoyable sex? And why is breakup sex similarly so exciting?